Well, I am going to place this here to say how brilliant my 21st birthday party was - both of them! So thanks to my friends and family for attending! Both parties were truly a success, and I have to thank my mother for this. However, the past few days have been incredibly difficult for our family as it has split and torn even further.
I am terrified about my dad as he is drinking more than ever, and it's scary. My mum is distraught, and there is not much I can do, but she needs to bear in mind that I am still recovering from a serious difficulty in my life, and I need her to be strong for me, I really do.
I do not know where this is going, but I do know that I have been quite depressed for quite a while now, and it's not doing me much good when they argue. But then again, they argue every day that they see each other, but they are too scared to do anything about it in case this affects my own depression and causes a spiral I cannot get out of again. I wish my parents would separate because it's causing me so much depression right now - they are so selfish, not thinking about others for a change.
My life is being swayed from side to side like a ship in the ocean, as my parents will not stop their bickering. I want to one day become independent, but I cannot do that yet, and I am sick of hiding behind a mask and saying everything is alright whilst I run away from it all. Something needs to be done soon; otherwise, I am not going to make that recovery that I need.
And just to let you know, I am still physically and mentally very weak, and I am still struggling with depression. But it's getting worse, as my father drinks more and my mother cannot cope with it. My father also promised me he would stop drinking after we found out my news back in November, but he started drinking again, despite his promise. I mean, he is an alcoholic, so it's sort of what I expected.
Just the other day, my brother said he had suffered depression as well. He was telling me he smokes and drinks to take his mind off things, especially his parents' issues.
I do not drink, and I do not hang on to things that I do not need - learning from his mistakes. My life for 15 or so years has been living in a house full of hoardings - stuff that is barely ever used - where churning is a regular activity that we all have to do four or five times a year because my father cannot get rid of anything, and where arguing is the essence of our family. It does not stop, and it makes me do things I would not normally do, like get angry with people and run away without telling anyone. I am sick of this, and, to that end, I am now considering leaving for good and never coming back. It seems like that is really the only option I have to recover - to become self-dependent, although I should have someone caring for me, my weekends are what leave me like this through the week.
It is now 01:00 in the morning, and I am still typing; despite being exhausted earlier, I cannot sleep. This is always the case on Monday and Tuesday evenings, and it comes because of the weekend before, and it is an example of bad depression affecting me. My dreams are nightmares most of the time - ones where my friends are the people that hate me, my dad is drinking, and my parents are arguing. I cannot go on like this. It is way too scary to think I might have another four or so years of this before I move out and have to put up with this.
Anyway, I am going to try to sleep. And I hope for no more bad dreams. This blog post has helped me conclude what has been troubling me since about the middle of my life. I have finally got it out there for all to read.
Alan Turing was one of, if not the greatest computer scientists in the history of the world.
He is one of my biggest inspirations and he was an incredibly clever, brave and generally remarkable man.
If you don't know much about Turing this post may be rather less interesting, but the man was an absolute genius who cracked the Enigma code during the Second World War and shortened the war by two to four years and also developed the things we call 'computers'.
Turing Machines are very simple mathematical devices that take in an input and decide what to do with it. Couple loads of these and you have a system like computers of today. That's how transistors work in the CPU of the computer and so on.
Turing committed suicide after being chemically castrated for being gay back in 1954 - an unbelievable loss to the world.
Anyway, in the next few days I'm sure the world will celebrate this man for what he did.
I am proud to say that for the first time this week I will be releasing a beta of my own software, this time not BlackRabbit, but to the general public, not just to people I know. The new software contains multiple measures to ensure that it will not be copiable. It also contains my new registration application.
The application, which is known as Painter Pro, is what was formerly known by its codename "Aberdeen". This is the first time I have released the name. As of today, I am also considering other names.
If you are interested in testing the software, then please feel free to contact me using the usual methods.
Today I am going to review the BlueLounge CableBox in my blog. Firstly, it is nothing more than a box with slots for wires to go through. And it's aim is to tidy up wiring. They cost around £25, which is a bit steep for nothing more than a box.
However, and this is a big however, the CableBox, despite being nothing more than a box, is getting a 8/10 from me because of the fact that has worked how I wanted it to but because it's expensive for what it is.
It's easy to see how it has changed my wiring system (I am still in the process of tidying my wires, but you can see how the BlueLounge CableBox has changed it all so far!).
As you may have noticed. I've been working on the site quite recently. There is a new blog specifically for BlackRabbit now. Here I will post updates about BlackRabbit and what I intend to bring to it within the future years.
As you may have noticed. I've been working on the site quite recently. There is a new blog specifically for BlackRabbit now. Here I will post updates about BlackRabbit and what I intend to bring to it within the future years. Twitter is now deeply integrated into my website now too.
As of today, the site has moved from freefind.com to Google for the search provider. I am most happy to say that you can now search the website from the largest search provider around - Google.
I must also point out whilst I am here, the website has two or three other changes. Firstly, I have changed the section known as VB.NET to Developer, as I use different languages as well that I would like to be able to display on the site. Secondly, the new section known as Education has been recently added, here I will share stuff relating to learning - hopefully. I also do not intend to keep the section related to YouTube, as it has become apparent to myself that it is unnecessary as it has not been updated with a single script yet.
Remember, find out more on Twitter.
Since the last post on the blog, I have procured a new development in software. This development has worked out to the best with BlackRabbit. The project known as "Warsaw" is considered a great improvement and with use of BlackRabbit, we have developed a "concise set of commands" which operate to reduce the time wasted repeating tasks over and over.
After today's episode of Spooks, a series which has kept me on the edge of my seat for nearly ten great years, I am saying goodbye to it. The series which is produced for and aired by the BBC has made television great again for me, along with the similar Hustle programme which is shown early in the year as opposed to late, are both set to end in the current series. Television to me will once again only become the occasional programme and EastEnders.
Spooks will also go down in my own books as my favourite TV series of all time followed by Hustle.
We are going to miss it, but I would like to take a moment to say "thanks" to all of the Spooks greats for making it so epic; Peter Firth, Nicola Walker, Richard Armitage, Rupert Penry Jones, Hermione Norris, Miranda Raison, Matthew Macfadyen, Robert Glenister, Tim McInnerny and Raza Jaffrey).
Intel Core 2 Quad Q9550 2.83GHz
8GB DDR2 8500 RAM
1x 120GB SSD, 2x 1TB hard drives, 1x 2TB hard drive
Windows 7 Ultimate x64
XFX ATI Radeon HD5670
Blu-Ray ROM, Blu-Ray RW and DVD-RW drives
Card reader and Floppy disk drive
Lian-Li PC-60B Plus
Corsair HX850W PSU
Microsoft Wireless Laser Desktop 6000 v2
Labtec Arena 5.1 Surround sound
Dell P2310h 23" 1920 by 1080 LCD monitor DVI
Wacom Bamboo Graphics tablet
Logitech Quickcam Sphere AF
Hauppauge HVR-1100 TV card
40 inch Samsung LE40M87 LCD TV in duplicate setup
Wireless Philips Headphones
