To use this website fully, you first need to accept the use of cookies. By agreeing to the use of cookies you consent to the use of functional cookies. For more information read this page.

The most difficult decision I've ever made

03 Oct 2017 at 10:55
Life can be tough. Life after a serious illness can be even tougher. Stress has always been a major factor that I have had to deal with, so when I went out looking for a job I needed it to be a stressless as possible. I found a job I enjoyed and hoped it would be stress free. This was the most difficult decision I've ever made, and I've finally made up my mind.

Many of my readers will know that I have had a mortgage in place since about February this year. It was exciting and a great feeling to finally have it, especially after all the hurdles I had to go through to get there. It took me many attempts to get there and I made several sacrifices, but I got there in the end.

However, I often had mixed thoughts about my mortgage. A lot of the time I kept on thinking about what life would be like with a house of my own and how wonderful it would be. But I kept on suppressing the thought that I could no longer guarantee that I'd be able to do what I want to do in terms of location and job and that I felt that I could hold my job until then. 

Alas, in October 2017, 3 weeks before I moved in, I said to myself enough is enough. I gave up the good, well-paid job that was taking all of the remaining stamina and mental energy I have, and as a result, threw in the towel on the mortgage. It was a sad side effect that the mortgage had to go because I couldn't hold the job down, especially saying as I'd be able to pay at least 1 year's mortgage without a job. 

The job wasn't bad, it was actually a good job, it was just not what I wanted at the time. The truth is I really want to be a teacher.

But I also have to consider that once I get into teacher training and through it, do I really want to live in that same place? My life might change so much by then yet I'd be rooted down to this place for at least another year and a half (a side effect of one of the deals I have to take to get my mortgage is that I can't sell until 3 years after purchase are up).

I feel like it could have been the wrong decision, but I'm not thinking that because of what I've said above - it was a decision that will work out for the better in the future.

In the future, I'm hoping I can look back on this and realise it was nothing. My aim to become a teacher in East Lothian at some point is still the only goal on my mind at the moment.